I love that damn song.

Anyway... the doctor appointment went well. Turns out one is bigger, significantly so, becos of some fluid buildup. WHAT A WASTE OF $30!!
Everything is some damn buildup with me!
Depression? Anxiety? Guilt buildup! Feelings buildup!
Earwax buildup! Stomach acid and indigestion buildup.

Freakin' whatever. I need to stop watching Family Guy. That's why I keep typing and saying "Freakin'".

The rest of the day? Well, I spent about an hour decorating a SIMS house for my brother, only to have it shut down on me and not save anything I did. Hannah never came over today, or even called...
I went to get a vaccination at the Health Dept. only to realise it wasn't free and I didn't have my checkbook. WASTE OF TIME!
Then I started packing some papers and found a medical paper I needed filled out that I didn't even realise I had. So I went back downtown for the third time just to give that in. ARGH! Today is my last driving day... I don't want to turn in my tags!!

Tomorrow, I'm having a family party thrown. I wasn't supposed to know about it. But some things happened, and voila! I know.
It sounds strangely like Bob just got home. If he is, I have to go now...

I'll be back in a few if it wasn't him.

EDIT: I'm hearing things...
anyway, back to today...

It sucked! What else is there to say? How I'm still behind on packing? How I haven't wrote my FYS paper yet... how I feel like somehow I've already failed college?

I'm filled with such a deep feeling of dread and anxiety. I wish I could just pass out. You know it's been 69 days now. But last night, I gave myself permission to cut again if I didn't have cancer, and I don't. So now it's all I can think about.
That must sound so retarded to you people.

Does anyone understand?

I've gained three pounds back. How that happened I can't tell...
it doesn't matter. I don't even have an appetite and this party has so much food. Sausage... looks good. Thinking about eating it makes me feel a little gaggish.
I'm not gaining that Freshman 15 in college.

I'm scared of how fast this week has been... I only have 5 days left. 5 DAYS! I wish I could bury myself.

Ugh!

EDIT again:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Avoidant and Dependant huh?

I take that test twice a year or more I bet... I don't remember getting those before. I just took it to see what I'd be based on recent feelings.

Borderline. That doesn't suprise me.

I was reading some old notes from Kelly...

WOW. We were both so screwed up. I was always pushing her away and she was always trying to make me better and convince me she loved me.

I never even cared. I always felt worse and always tried pushing harder.
I wanted her to loath me.

Why do I do that?